Ignorance is Bliss

Unless you have lived with, or been, an attachment challenged child you will have great difficulty understanding the needs. This became apparent during a recent consultation with the Child and Adolescent Mental Health Service. (CAMHS)

There are obvious signs that Jenny suffers from attachment issues and that was the decision of the Autism Panel. We don’t disagree with that decision, even though we are also pursuing a proper assessment for co-morbid autism. We believe that each condition is affecting the other. 

During the discussion with the CAMHS doctor I commented that having a full diagnosis of all conditions would help us to know the best way to handle the various challenges without creating a typical spoilt brat. 

Aha! I could almost see a flash of light in the doctor’s eyes as she grasped at the psychological straw that I inadvertently held out to her. I have read about this effect in the experiences of other parents of children with challenges. The doctor’s eyes lit up with the recognition that this must all be our fault as parents, even though we are actually substitute parents because their birth parents couldn’t do the job properly. In fact, during all the social services assessments of our parenting capabilities it became obvious that we were being allowed to care for our suffering grandchildren because we are super parents! 

The doctor took out a piece of paper and started writing. “Have you looked at The Parenting Puzzles?” she asked. 

“Well you obviously haven’t,” I thought. “If you had then you would know that it’s actually called The Parenting Puzzle – singular.” 

“There you are,” she said, handing me the piece of paper. 

I politely thanked her, knowing that the best chance of getting her cooperation was to go through the humiliation of having our parenting abilities called into question. 

I bought the book and opened it straight to the chapter on discipline. I knew what I was looking for. 

Yes! Success. The best way to deal with challenges is the time out. 

“So,” I thought. “That’s what they teach you in university. Treat like with like. If a child suffers from abandonment, abandon her again.” 

I haven’t read any more of the book. How much trust can you have in such outdated, barbaric suggestions?

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4 thoughts on “Ignorance is Bliss”

  1. Reblogged this on Grandpa's Way and commented:
    This is an interesting perspective on what happens when the carer has more knowledge and experience than the professional. Sadly, too many professionals think they know it all. Yet, as mentioned in the article, unless you have lived with a situation, (or your research is extraordinary, and is way above and beyond what is needed to pass exams) you don’t really know it will enough to comment.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Time out is so psychologically damaging for children who have been abandoned. Sometimes I think the so-called “professionals” should take advice from the people who do this every day. If they aren’t trauma-informed then they aren’t the right people to help us. Unfortunately not many in he field have in-depth trauma training. Smh

    Liked by 1 person

    1. The problem is that they spend a few hours studying what you and I and so many others live with, 24 hours a day. And they think they are experts, so they start patronising us. On the other hand, we who live with it know that there is no such thing as an expert in these issues. What worked an hour ago will fail, miserably in an hour’s time. The true expert, (we who live with it) expects the unexpected, and knows there is no standard formula to deal with it.

      Nevertheless, we keep smiling while the experts dispense medication because they can’t cope!

      Liked by 1 person

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